Why I Don't Gamble Anymore

I used to play some $20 poker but had to give it up due to the vicious emotional cycle it always put me in.

Phase 1: "I can afford to lose twenty bucks this week. It won't really put a wrinkle in my budget.

Phase 2: I'm winning! Well this is rather enjoyable. That's a decent amount of money in the pot. I may just decide to spend my winnings on these on these losers as a kind gesture. After all, I wasn't really expecting to come into this money in the first place.

Phase 3: "NOOOO!!!!!! How did I lose? My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?!? Someone obviously cheated! I was planning on putting away the winnings for my kid's college trust fund. Wait, that means this guy cheated my kid out of a good education and a prosperous life. I bet he's gonna blow the money on something stupid like printed t-shirts of 80's "hair bands" or lots of booze. That selfish near-sighted cheater ruined my life!"

...which is why I don't gamble any more.

Christian "Single and Looking" Internet Scorecard

1. Hopeful e-mail address such as:
JasonandToBeNamedAtALaterDate@yahoo.com = +2 points

2a. Facebook profile picture is of you sitting alone and reading the Bible on a park bench built for two with a sunset and the beach in the background. = +2 points (why do I feel like Rick Warren has a copyright on this type of picture?)

2b. Facebook profile picture is of the engagement ring selection at the local jewelry store = +3 points

2c. Caption under previously mentioned Facebook profile picture says, "Pick one." = +5 points

3a. In the "favorite books" section of your profile you list something by Jane Austen. = +10 points

3b. You also list "Focus On the Family" books to let women know you're prepared for the long haul. = +5 points

3c. You also list books on cooking and home repair to boost your market value. = +5 points

4a. In your blog or Facebook list of "favorite links" you have a bridal boutique on the list. = +5 points

4b. If links to Kay Arthur's or Elisabeth Elliot's post make the list... = +3 points

4c. A recurring Twitter post you have is, "still praying for 'something good' to come my way." + 1 point.

5a. Under "favorite activities" you say, "Cooking dinner for my pastor and his wife on Saturday evenings and then listening to them talk about what makes their marriage work late into the evening." = +10 points

5b. You also mention Broadway musicals or opera. = +3 points

5c. You also mention that you like to take long drives through wine valley vineyards on Sunday. = +6 points

6a. You open e-mails to single women with, "To my most beloved sister in Christ," = +2 points

6b. You close your e-mails to single women with, "Remember to pray for the orphan child in Africa that I'm sponsoring," = +4 points

6c. You attach html graphics to your e-mail from the World Wildlife Foundation that shows panda bears or baby tigers cuddling. = +6 points

Confessions of an Inattentive Paritioner

I don't think anything beats the Bible story about the young man who fell asleep during the apostle Paul's all night sermon, causing him to fall out a three story window to his death. Then Paul brings him back to life and goes back to talking a few more hours. (Acts 20:7-12)

So let that be a lesson of graciousness to you pastors who get annoyed at the non-riveted folks.


I was once the ADD Bible Turner.
The pastor of a church I used to attend would have the congregation read through a passage of scripture with him before he expounded on it for the sermon.

Well... often times a few verses wasn't enough. I'd think, "Hey, why'd we stop at this verse? This passage is just getting interesting." So I would continue reading through my Bible with sermon in progress. Then I'd think, "Hey, I know another good passage that works well with this one!" and start flipping through the pages of my Bible. Then I'd read all the cross-references and notes (since it was a study Bible). Then I'd start writing some thoughts and ideas about it all which I would classify as 'sermon notes that were not included in the sermon.'

I guess some medical treatment could have helped with my focus back then. But I was single and had no wife to nag me to go to the hospital. And I'm one of those guys who doesn't feel like he needs to see a doctor for every little thing. For example, last week I got slightly impaled by a wrought iron fence while attempting to jump it with a dirt bike. It took a couple rolls of duct tape to eventually stop the bleeding and some of my friends insisted on an ambulance. But the way I see it is that any accident you can eventually walk away from is nothing to get all worked up over. On the other hand, there are a lot of pansy dudes who do things like get a hand stuck in the meat grinder and then feel like they need to rush to the hospital. My thought is, "Hey, you lost your hand to a meat grinder. It's not like the doctor can re-attach it or anything. Make a tourniquet so you're not making a mess everywhere, take a couple aspirin, and sleep it off. I mean seriously, if Rambo can take on some heavy wounds, cauterize them, and then get back to wiping out an entire small army, you should be fine after a little bit of rest... after cleaning up the mess you made." It's hypochondriacs like that who rush to the doctor for every little thing that drive me nuts. That's what drives the health insurance rates up to begin with and forces our society into a precarious position where we have to consider gov't controlled health care as a viable option.

Wait a second... how'd I get on the topic of Obama Care? Wasn't the topic orginally about... HEY LOOK, A SQUIRREL!...