sin

Oh Lord, I will never comprehend in this life the depths of which You plunged to rescue a soul as dark as mine. The breadth and width of your love is beyond the limits of my mind. For you saved me when Satan was my closest ally and I beckoned to the every whim of he who was once my prince. Easily seduced to playing a fellow deceiver, my every display of "goodness" contained only the most selfish of motives. And it is an act of mercy that even now in this saved state not all my sins and weakness manifest in my mind, for certainly the full knowledge of awfulness still to wring out would plung me deep into the depths of a life-long despair. With what easy vanity can I look back at how "far" I have come, but would my head turn and see the distance between myself and perfection before me, fully luminated, the knowledge would crush my mind completely. It must be by grace that my conscience addresses only a few vices at a time.

And still, in light of my salvation and of coram Deo I shall certainly sin again, committing acts of hatred against the One who loves me most, of whom I claim as Lord, confirming that without His grace I too would have joined the crowd in chanting, "Crucify Him. Crucify Him." How often will I offer endorsement to the crimes of Adam? How can He who is perfect love me?

current reading: Original Sin by Augustus Toplady